Letter: I’M HIV Positive, My Friend Has Married My Ex-Girlfriend; Should I Tell Him? Help!

Post this for me, withhold my identity if possible. You can also edit where possible too:

I’m a Zambian living in South Africa but am currently in Zambia on vacation. I have an issue at hand, here we go;

Before I left for SA I had a girlfriend we dated for over 2yrs, I must admit that in these 2 years we engaged in some careless sexual behaviour together. Late last year around October, I went back to SA were I developed some strange illness inside me, I went to the hospital and got medication, it reduced but once again the same illness came back. The doctor at the hospital suggested that we do some blood tests, well, we did some blood tests but unfortunately I was diagnosed with H.I.V.

I was shocked and depressed somehow but I had to cope with my situation. Three months ago, I came to Zambia for a funeral in Kasama and during this period I managed to see my girlfriend, she was living in Lusaka. I told her about my situation but she said she was not bothered with it. I don’t know maybe she thought I was joking. As human, we were almost attached together and during this period we slept close to 17 times.

I went back to SA unfortunately I found that the company I was working for was closed. I came back to Zambia to look for employment, fortunately one company employed me but I only worked for 2 months and my contract was terminated. Luckily, in SA another company offered me a job as an IT Technician(that’s were am currently working).

Now the real issue is here;

Last month, my beloved girlfriend sent me an email that she was now married. I thought she was kidding but her cousin who new me confirmed that it was true. She changed numbers and her facebook user names. I had to face the truth and move on with my life. Just yesterday, I don’t know what came in my mind, I decided to look for her on facebook,i traced her, indeed she was married. The guy who married her was my friend when I was at Evelyn Hone in 2013. We used to play soccer together with the same man.

In short, we were friends in campus. Now, should I tell my friend that I dated her wife and we broke up because of my H.I.V condition or may be I should just shut my mouth. He is my friend on facebook too and it bothers me a lot coz on his timeline he complains a lot about not feeling well oftenly. As for me, I accepted and currently on medication.

As a Christian, I still remember the verse which says; “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”. I fear that if tell him he will divorce his wife but again it bothers me a lot seeing a friend falling into a pit.

Note: Am not saying he’s H.I.V positive too, neither am I saying my ex-girlfriend is H.I.V positive either, am not a doctor but the risk is high considering how long we dated.

Let me hear from you mwebantu.



  1. broken Arrow.

    Its water under the bridge,
    Let go and move on!

    • Chichi

      This HIV/ AIDS is so endemic in a poor country Zambia. With such high prevalence of AIDS in Zambia, why are people still indulging in reckless sex? Why can’t you stay away from sexual immorality and wait till you get married? You are poor as a nation and you are virtually bankrupt as citizens yet you still want to indulge in casual sex. This guy is also not telling us the truth, where did he contract the virus? He claims he has been in a relationship with his ex for many years but how come he’s HIV and I can only assume his ex is negative. There is an element of cheating here typical for blacks. He should probably contact other bitches he has been fucking unless he picked them randomly from the notorious streets or night clubs. Right now we have a law maker from UPND in prison because of cheating /extra marital affairs. I guess he is also HIV positive because in Zambia one out of three has HIV.
      Change your sexual behavior you baboons before you become an extinct race.
      Signs off cute Chichi girl.

      • Akapondo munchende

        Nsanje mambala iwe. All the wives and husbands who are enjoying marriages nowadays there’s a possibility that they where involved in some relationship backwards before they got married. Why are you concerned when you are claiming that you have moved on? Live them please!!!

      • Wise Me

        Chichi, you have demonstrated two sides in your reaction. 1. That you can identify some irregularities in a situation. 2. That you instead of looking helping you are seek to destroy. Join me in a prayer to seek God’s forgiveness of and make you love others as yourself. Surely you were not created to be humble abusive God’s, you creation. God loves you listen to his voice. Amen.

      • niels

        chichi is Chishala in short meaning rubbish trash garbage no wonder…………….

    • joseph sakala

      Mind your business ,is it not drift for them to enjoy leave them,if they are positive time will come they will be topping up as you are okay

      • Divine

        Kkkkkk ?. Ba Zambia mwalapwa too much ukunyenga

    • Bwembya Mutale

      Son, you have a heart of true ubuntu which should inspire others. I sympathize with your fate but advise that you first correct your relation with the maker. Why this business of involving in sexual activities in dating when you are not married? Christianity does not condone it and a Christian can wait.

  2. peggy faith

    My br I think u should try and talk to yo x,girlfriend ask her if she has told the husband about her past relationship or if they can both go for H.I.V test to know there as a couple not of yo past relationship.let her use wisdom to convince her husband.she should not ingnorant about her health also her husband

  3. Big show !

    Its obvious they might have gone for a test before getting together so baleke bakalimwena !

  4. Mumu

    Tell Him & Advize Him On His Complaint About His Health Condition.

  5. Vernon Mwandama

    What a caring friend! Be diplomatic dear.Just advise him to go for v.c.t. together with his wife,who was your ex-girlfriend.

  6. Vernon Mwandama

    What a caring friend!Tell him .How he reacts doesn’t matter significantly. What is significant is to clear your conscience.

  7. Jk

    I think, you jst concentrat with your life. becz, the moment his going to hear that story, its a day he will divorce her.

  8. Rojo Jay

    You have moved on so live them what if the man is also positive? Just move on and don’t disturb their marriage and try to stop communiting with the lady.

  9. Lazarus Phiri

    yes, he is your friend you were even together on compus but the guy has a responsibility to find out before marrying ,he was supposed to go for VCT my advise is let the sleeping dogs lie

  10. Vernon Mwandama

    What a caring friend!Just reveal to him.How he reacts doesn’t matter significantly. What is significant is to clear your conscience.

  11. Fair

    if you tel him the marriage will be something else. i know you love your friend but he wil finaly go the hospital for medical chek-ups. do not tel him anythng about your past with his wife. with time all will be known.

  12. jodarn

    First of all I can thank you for coming out to the people openly that you are hiv

  13. jodarn

    First of all I can thank you for coming out to the people openly that you are hiv positive.now don’t tell your friend about the situation but you can advise him to go for the HIV test

  14. mailon

    Surely that should not be your business.Before marrying every responsible person must know the status of his or her partner and if one is irresponsible and chooses not to find out it is non of your business.You would probably be concerned if you were sleeping with the wife after they married.

  15. the high priest

    Bro thanks for your openess ,informing him is a good idea.but its too late there a married couple and deffnately they are not abstaing or using a condom,you could have done that in the first place if you have moved on then forget about there marrieg you will only coz harm

  16. Hamz Oscar

    Just leave him he is very stupid, he is your friend and started playing with your brain, atase

  17. sanga lubilo

    Chances are that you could have been seeing the same woman at same time. I am sure you may aslo have been with other women. BUT you are not the custodian of people’s morals! Leave them alone

    • Moonga P

      Since you new about your HIV Status, why didn’t you inform your xgirl friend about your out come after medications because you only learnt that you’re positive before her marriage to your friend? You might be jealousy couz she’s under somebody’s umbrella…

    • Moonga P

      Look for another one n go for a test before your sexal inter course. You might delayed your Xgirl friend that’s y another one scooped her…

  18. Mwami

    No,just shut yo mouth & focus forward bro!

  19. Ble

    Don’t tell the man direct instead advice your x, so that they go for HIV test, but I think they went for a test before they got married…..

  20. skh

    Point is, she may have bin positive b4 you, maybe by the same guy or the guy ores know,.don’t rush tym will best tell, concentrate on your life to now. .HIV is not a death sentence but if status is communicated by a wrong person, its disastrous…they will discover , they are adults and learned pipo I believe.

  21. ndolwa

    Forget and stop spreading rumours. Some of us hiv but we don’t look back

  22. Chisenga


  23. Moonga P

    Since you new about your HIV Status, why didn’t you inform your xgirl friend about your out come after medications because you only learnt that you’re positive before her marriage to your friend? You might be jealousy couz she’s under somebody’s umbrella…

  24. arnold musonda

    Comment my dear friend just live them okay.

  25. Mwami

    Dear dont disturb,leave them & face forward as HH.

  26. chachacha

    Pl critical & it’s a lesson to you guys who are not married Please go to vct before you have sex with your partner

  27. Ama team yakalamba

    just leave them alone it’s upto them since u have moved on

  28. Juliet mwanza

    Just tell him to go for v.c.t

  29. Franktok

    What I see is someone very far from caring because if you were you would not have infected this poor rand-hungry friend of yours. It bests me that you even still have the guts to cry out for her love you jealous fellow. What you can’t bear is the fact that she is married to your friend after you have wasted all her good two years. The only consolation you get from me is that it is possible that you exchanged HIV virus with this girl. Didn’t it surprise you that she was never bothered about your -ve status. Forget about this mukabene and concentrate on reducing your viral load and keeping the rest to yourself.

  30. Victor mwettel

    ADVISE Him to go together with the WIFE For Various EXAMINATIONS ONE OF WHICH IS AN HIV TEST,so that the two of them will be talked to by the health provider.I think it will work

  31. Mas-k qj

    Jxt advice him to go test

  32. Igweee Aliwatsons

    What if you were the one who infected the lady? What would your friend do to you after your confession that you are the cause of his illnesses? Would you stand that? If your answers are in affirmative then proceed

  33. Raphael khuma

    Leave them.

  34. Henry Lukole

    By the time you were dating her where was your friend?for sure you must have talked about her and when marrying he must have hinted about the same.my advice it is too late ,but if you can talk to him with tact don’t be straight forward it might sound as jealous.

  35. combating

    Why ar u troubling yourself let them enjoy maybe he is the one who gives u Hiv my frnd but nw use condoms when you having sex look nw wht you dd my frnd

    • fireshadow

      you have missed the solution by a mile. in this day and age ,we have indulged ourselves so deep in soon that it has become second nature to us. the looked good our father gave us the law not to imprison is but to protect us and give us freedom. for the wage of soon is death. let us refrain from falling into temptation. the law of God does not permit fornication,by disobeying this law we suffer in many ways such as the afore mentioned diseases. we can be protected from this catastrophe by simply following the law if God by abstaining from all illicit sexual activity, this in itself also comes with a great sense of freedom

  36. Awa

    The idiot is jealous,you played around with a beauty now you want to ruin her life.fuck your ass

  37. Jonathan Chitobela

    Walilwala kale iwe calipwa tawakapole just forget your ex girlfriend and countue uku topinga.

  38. sillen

    After knowing your status you should have married her,don’t pretend as if u a caring, its your trend you ar still effecting people.

  39. Josphat Banda

    Just move on with yo life why looking back mind your on business bro

  40. Josphat Banda

    Just move on with yo life why looking back mind your on business bro.

  41. Kent namund

    Hey my man when are going to be a good friend? You have a very good chance to help him if you care, tell through friend advise not in terms of your x girlfriend,

  42. Mwansa Lucias

    We youths of nowadays we like pretending as if we don’t know any repacation that comes out mukwangala,yourselves you say nshilakula and yet you are making sex with different people whom you don’t know their status please my fellow youths keep yourselves as you are exposing yourselves at college all else you end up not to tell the trueth or loose your life,my brother just tell the truth ukucila akabike umunankwe muma lwele,OK brother choose if want to tell him or not stay blessed.

  43. Kateti jr

    Tell your friend to go to VCT to check his status

  44. PADRE

    @Chichi why do you always rant like a mad person?Who are the inventors of pornography if not you coloureds and whites?You are the ones who brought about this scourge on human kind because you coloureds are known sex maniacs and perverts.

  45. DD Cris

    They are already married.Wat is your business? Or you want your friend to divorce so that you get her? Mind your own business dear and forgy ahead with your positive life.

  46. T wiz

    my bro if you love your friend then I your is going off line in life mind you, got all truth with you please! please! advice your friend God with bless you doesn’t matter how he will feel do the best you bro give me all inform please

  47. simon

    I think there are two things here, its either he is going to believe you or not because he might think that you just want to destroy his marriage so just try to tell him about that and let him tell you if healready know about his wife’s status

  48. Emmuz boy

    I suggest u tell HiM even though its too late,

  49. fireshadow

    a person only asks for advice when they already know what to do but won’t accept it. your ,listen to the voice of god telling you what to do.if you are comfortable with the way things are then so be it.

  50. CENTRE

    surely u people can nt sit bck and allow ths stupid girl called CHICHI to insult us nd cll us baboons nd tht we cheat which is typical of blacks.my foot

  51. lb

    U can advise yo friend to go for vct but don’t disclose that you once dated his wife

  52. markferran a c

    u try talkin to yo ex first

  53. B_VIRUS

    you have a good heart of a real man. just advice him to go for testing with his wife before its too late. chapwa. now this goes to the demon named chichi, dont comment as if you never had sex before chikwati u moron. n if u ever get married u peace of shit.

    • chitamawe

      It’s HIV test then marriage, now that they r already married n most probably, u r not az close 2 both az b4, leave them alone. If u r stil close 2 de guy hu, while 2getha complains abt ailing health, u cn chip in n suggest a test in a diplomatic way, or he may find u wanting. If u find no chance 2 chip in, don’t force mataz, kip quiet.

  54. Martin cwanny-d macwani

    too bad

  55. Wise Me

    You need to help the couple to know so that they take precautions and prolong their lives yourself from fear ostigma

  56. Wise Me

    If you put your name to this type of story, the couple will recognize you and might seek VCT. What a good way to savemany more lives

  57. Isaac Kanyata

    Too bad bro I know you are being kind and human but if you interfere they will appreciate but later on both will look at you as a bad person .what if they get tested and both are negative? some cheating elements were high here ..to marriage this means you guys have been sharing that girl earlier… move on bro and we are all not fit . Never interfere in any marriage.

  58. vickrum

    Ka chichi munyanga obe, who knows limi naiwe waliba positive weka ule iwe

  59. Beda Msimbe

    you have done what you were supposed top do, telling your x what is happening inside your body. Leave her alone.Let her fix her life as you are trying to fix yours.

  60. makota j lipoba

    my bro, certain things are better made known to ourselves than to others(party or relations). why is it important to tell your friend now than during the initial stages of sickness? how do you think him, his wife(your ex) and their families would react to such? what I know for sure is that you will disaster and shame to your friends and families. since you are able to travel to SA, I believe God through TB Joshua is as near to you as your boxer..just believe there is no disease Jesus can fail to heal, no bondage or yoke that God cannot break and no situation that is bad to be good

  61. gredo

    Hell no ??…

    coz …wait bt y tody ?..

  62. Gift

    Gud advise be fast b4 his cd4 gets down

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